throw me in the water
by MaioribusSpes
Summary: In the days before the comet is expected to arrive, they meet in the dead of night. Sometimes they fight. Sometimes they kiss. Sometimes they talk. But no matter what, one of them always leaves. / (Because they both know that what they want and what they are supposed to want are two very, very, different things.) Zutara oneshot.


_(For Maria, who will always give me the oogies.)_

* * *

_leave me in the rain, wait until my clothes cling to my frame_

_wipe away your tear stains, thought you said you didn't feel pain_

* * *

Katara tosses and turns in her sleeping bag in the dead of night, the glow of the moon seeping in the cracks of the tent.

Eventually, she sighs and stays still for a few minutes, and then, running a hand through her hair, she slowly gets up and crawls out of the sleeping bag, careful not to wake Suki and Toph, who are sleeping peacefully only a few feet away from her.

She walks outside, stretching her limbs as she lays down on a grassy hill, her hands clasped behind her head.

A few minutes or hours later (it doesn't really matter), she feels the grass rustle next to her, and she turns her head to the side.

His face is just inches away from hers. She could reach out and touch his scar without even moving her upper arm. He's close.

(He's too close, but she doesn't move away.)

"Can't sleep?" She is the first to speak.

"Insomnia," he answers, half amused, a soft smile on his face. The corners of his lips turn downwards as he grows more serious. "Do you think Aang is ever going to come back?"

Katara turns her face back to face the sky. (She doesn't want him to see her face.)

"Of course," she answers. "He has to."

She's been telling herself this so many times since his sudden disappearance, she almost believes it.

Almost.

She swallows and stands up, kicking her shoes off.

She doesn't want to think about all this, not right now.

(Then _when_? a voice in the back of her head asks, but she pushes the thought aside.)

"Um, Katara, what are you-?"

"Get up," she commands, beckoning him with her hand. "Let's spar."

"Right _now_?" Zuko asks, but he takes off his shoes and rolls his sleeves up to his elbows anyways.

"Scared?" she teases, as they both move into position.

Katara is the first to strike.

She cracks a water whip at his ankles, but he's not stupid, and sidesteps it easily.

"Seriously?" he laughs. "Shouldn't you have the advantage, since it's nighttime?"

"Shut up and fight," she replies, her jaw clenched tight.

He smirks and obliges, punching a few fireballs in her direction.

She dodges them with that certain grace she's always had, her movements smooth and graceful, mirroring the water she moves.

Right now is not the time for smooth and graceful.

She sends a strong jet of water his way, and it nearly hits knocks him flat on his back, but he moves out of the way at the very last second.

They're both equally skilled, but Katara _does_ have the advantage, and after a while it starts to show.

They're both drenched in sweat and breathing hard, but Zuko was never one to quit, even though they both know that Katara is going to win this one.

She's quicker and her bending is more powerful, and with a swift curved kick she knocks Zuko off of his feet and he stumbles to the ground.

She presses her knee in his groin and her hands hold his shoulders down.

"I win," she states, in between gasps of air.

Their chests rise and fall simultaneously, almost touching each time they take in a breath.

(Almost. Everything is always _almost_ with them.)

"Not that easily," Zuko replies, his voice weak from a lack of oxygen. He pulls her by her hair so that she collapses on top of him, lips smashing against his.

The kiss is rough and dirty like their fighting. Zuko is just beginning to pull at her bottom lip with his teeth when she smashes her knee in and he groans and doubles over in pain as she rolls off of him.

"_I win_," she repeats, and storms off without another word.

* * *

It's been two days since Aang disappeared, and there is still no trace of him anywhere.

(He's dead. He's gone and trapped himself in an iceberg again, Sokka says. What are we going to do whatarewegoingtodo-)

Katara smacks him and tells him that he is overreacting.

(She always knows the right thing to say.)

But when the moon rises faithfully, Katara finds herself thinking the same thoughts as her brother.

She's sitting against a tree trunk this time, when he finds her.

He sits next to her and pulls his knees up so that they're under his chin.

(They don't talk about what happened last night.)

"Aren't you a firebender? Shouldn't you be asleep right now?" she asks him.

He scoffs.

"Can any of us sleep right now?" he replies.

"Everyone except for us," she answers truthfully.

They sink into silence.

"Do you - do you really think Aang is going to come back?" Zuko coughs into the crook of his elbow, his throat scratchy and hoarse.

For a second, Katara almost considers telling the truth.

(No. No, I don't.)

"Of course," she says. Her tone is nice and steady.

She's getting too good at this lying thing.

"Always the optimist, Katara," he tells her, tracing nonsensical patterns into the dirt with his finger.

(If you only knew, she wants to say. But Katara knows that what she wants and what she is supposed to want are two very, very, different things.)

"There's a part of me that hopes he will come back," Zuko admits, the use of the word _hope_ feeling foreign on his tongue. "But there's another part that thinks maybe this is just too much to handle. For him. For all of us, really."

She wants to slap him in the face for thinking so lowly of her.

But she doesn't, because deep down she thinks the same thing too.

So instead, she says, "We've all been through a lot this past year." At least that much is true.

"We're not kids anymore," she states.

(Some of them hardly ever were. _Some_ meaning the two of them.)

He's silent as he tilts his body and leans forward, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

Her breath hitches at the contact.

"Zuko-" she begins. "We can't do this."

The back of his hand is soft as it falls back down to his side.

"I know," he answers simply. This time, he's the one that stands up first.

"Get some rest, Katara," he says. "You might rise with the moon, but you still have to get up in the morning, too."

She doesn't reply as he walks off and disappears under the flap of his tent.

(They both know that what they want and what they are supposed to want are two very, very, different things.)

* * *

It's the day before Sozin's Comet is predicted to arrive, and Aang is still gone.

(Face it, you guys, Sokka tells them. He's not coming back.)

(Katara doesn't deny it this time.)

Nighttime arrives and the two find each other again.

She is beginning to wonder if this is becoming a tradition.

(She could get used to a tradition like this, she thinks, but then she remembers that the Comet is tomorrow and when it comes it will change everything.)

"Nervous?" Zuko asks, walking up to her with his hands stuffed in his pockets.

She lets out a loud sigh.

"Yeah," she admits, swirling her toe around in the sand.

It's the first time she's been honest in a while.

"Me too," he replies. "We all are."

She smiles weakly and sits down by the shore, the sand crunching beneath her. Her hands, with a seemingly separate mind of their own, lift the waters of the ocean up, and she toys with the liquid as Zuko observes.

He lights a flame in his palms and lifts his hands up towards Katara.

(She doesn't know what he wants her to do, but Katara decides that she will stop doing what people want her to do for right now.)

So she slides the water into her palms, too, and carries her hands towards Zuko.

She tilts her hands at an angle, and the water slides into the heat of his palm.

There is a soft sizzle.

Steam rises.

(Fire and water create steam, Katara reminds herself. Steam is dangerous. The flame and liquid disappear until all that's left is a trail of steam that burns.)

She can feel Zuko's eyes on her, but she doesn't dare bring her own to meet his.

Swallowing hard, she turns her head away and scoots closer to the ocean, until her feet are submerged in the water.

The water moves beside her, and she feels Zuko's hips brush against hers as he sits down.

She doesn't move away.

"Do you think we'll make it out alive?" he asks, turning his head to look at her.

"I don't know," she admits. Her voice is too soft, too weak.

Pathetic.

Somehow, Zuko's arm finds its way around her waist, and for once, she cannot bring herself to stand up and leave. So instead, she leans herself on him, her hand resting on his knee.

(She does not need his support. She merely wants his comfort.)

"We shouldn't be doing this," Katara reminds him.

(Because he has a girl waiting for him back home, and even though she and Aang aren't together, she knows what they all expect. She will fall in love with the Avatar because the Avatar is in love with her, and she is the only person he will ever love in his lifetime.

Because they're young enough to create their own life stories but old enough to know how the story will end.)

"For once in your life, Katara," Zuko says. "Do something _you_ want to do."

He doesn't even ask her if she wants to do this - she doesn't even have to clarify. It's painfully obvious.

She doesn't respond, just grabs his hand in hers and lays down, dragging him on the ground with her. Their bodies are pressed together side by side, and he can feel the jut of her hips.

They do not kiss. They do not fight. They do not talk.

The two fall asleep for the first time in days.

(But when the sun rises and Zuko wakes up, he finds that Katara is already gone.

When they meet each other in the morning, they are back to normal.

Today is the day of the Comet.

They almost laugh at the thought of it - the day that will change all of their lives, and they are back to normal.

They both know that what they want and what they are supposed to want are two very, very, different things.)

* * *

_fin._

* * *

Ah, look, something that isn't Makorra! I actually really, really, enjoyed writing this, so please please review and leave me some feedback!


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